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I have a dirty little secret that I don’t tell anyone. But it’s so grimy and interesting that I’m bursting to tell, so that’s why I’m writing this story. I joined an online dating service a while back, and life has not been so good. None of my friends know, and definitely not my boyfriend. Everyone around me is so conservative, and because I don’t drink or do drugs these are actually the only people around here to hang out with. Boring Christian Conservatives. As soon as I found Sex In Missouri and started making adult connections, though, more than a few of the great Christian Leaders in my town sent me an email. Take Jeffrey, for instance. We happen to attend his youth groups every Friday night. The activities are wholesome and enjoyable. Jeffrey comes up with all types of things, like going to the water park. I wore my yellow bikini for that, and Jeffrey talked to me a lot that night. Then, a week after I joined Sex In Missouri, Jeffrey emailed me. He didn’t use his real name at first, but I knew it was him. He pretended he didn’t know who I was, so I played along. He’s a real flirt on-line, you’d never guess what he did for a living. We agreed to meet, and he gave me an address to an apartment downtown. I met Jeffrey the next day, in the apartment. “I often work late with the church, it’s just better to sleep in town instead of driving back again to the Rock”, he offered as an alibi for his cheating pad. I turned to Jeffrey and said, “when the ex-President of the United States says placing your tool in my mouth isn’t sex, lets do it.” That made sense to Jeffrey. I stripped and started sucking his rod right there, within the hallway. Later we went to the living room where he munched my muff for days before impaling me with his sacred staff. Then Jeffrey blessed me with his searing white man goo. I lapped it up. It tasted like the body of Christ. Jeffrey turned all-repentant subsequently, but I wouldn’t have any of it. “Shut up you Sex In Missouri trollop! If you need more sex, call me. If you want to pray, get back to work”, I said and walked out the door.

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